February 09, 2011
Improve your loving relationships by appreciating how the ones you love show love to you.
Nothing feels as good as being in love with someone who loves you. It makes us happy beyond measure, particularly when the relationship is new and at its romantic peak. When we are in this state, love is indeed the energizing elixir of the universe, as Rumi puts it.
There is a happiness concept called the hedonistic treadmill that says that we rapidly adapt to any new situation or feeling and return to our base level of happiness even though the fortunate circumstance or greater level of pleasure remains with us. Perhaps this principal is part of what leads to the high level of divorce in our civilized society.
We can overcome the hedonistic treadmill in our loving relationships by using holidays like Valentine's Day to refresh our appreciation of being in love. The first step is to understand and acknowledge all the ways your love shows love to you. People express love in different ways. Some people give elaborate gifts, while others focus on showing how well they know someone by saying just the right thing to lift the other's mood. Some people perform small acts of service, like keeping the cars maintained, or having dinner on the table every evening to express their love for another. It is easy to take these expressions of love for granted and start to feel unloved without increasingly grander gestures.
If you need help identifying ways that people express their love, you might try these resources:
- The Five Love Languages. How to express your heartfelt commitment to your mate. by Gary Chapman
- Strengths Finder by Tom Rath- A listing of 32 strengths we often overlook.
Once you understand how your love loves you, express your appreciation. Whether you do this verbally or in a letter or card, the important thing is to be specific. Tell your love what they do for you and how it benefits you. You could make a long list, or focus on just one significant thing. The important thing is that you sincerely feel appreciation and gratitude for this act or gift and that you acknowledge and thank the other person for their gifts.
We all like being appreciated and having our value confirmed by another. When you appreciate your love, you give the gift of happiness .
So this Valentine's Day,
Improve your loving relationships by appreciating how the ones you love show love to you.
Affirmation
I express my love by appreciating the people that love me. I notice, acknowledge and express gratitude for all their loving gestures.
Journal or Meditation Question
Who are the people closest to me who love me? How do each of them express their love? What is the primary way I express my love? What can I do to show these loving people that I notice and appreciate their love?
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