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Happy Life Tip of the Week, Issue #131-Stumbling
September 29, 2011
Hello Friends,

Hold fast to happiness when you stumble upon it in a lucky hour.

One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness;
one only stumbles upon them by chance,
in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere,
and hold fast to the days, as to fortune or fame.

Willa Sibert Cather

In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, psychology researcher Daniel Gilbert says what sets people apart from animals is that we anticipate and plan for the future and animals don’t. He draws a distinction between squirreling away nuts by instinct and actively planning, anticipating and choosing a future. Dr. Gilbert observes that our instinct to be in control is so strong that we all, consistently overestimate our degree of control. The only group that accurately estimates their actual level of control are the emotionally depressed.

Dr. Gilbert’s research also shows that, as a species, we are not very good at accurately predicting what will make us happy, but we all tend to make the same mistakes. The phenomenon is similar to an optical illusion where we all tend to see the lines and shapes the same, but inaccurate, way. For example, many of us confuse the arousal from fear with the sexual arousal when both are present. This explains why horror movies are so popular.

Even though science can help us identify these systematic mistakes, science also shows that most of us ignore the knowledge when we are making choices about our happiness. This keeps us all stumbling around looking for happiness in a lucky hour.

From an evolutionary standpoint, the drive for control combined with the tendency to stumble around trying different things until we find what makes us happy, seems pretty successful. . Our species has developed remarkable powers since we parted genetically from the apes. Many of our advancements have come from stumbling into a happy circumstance or observation.

I find this reassuring. It is comforting to think that my stumbling around is a good thing. My optimism and continual quest for action to build or improve something is part of my animal instinct. It is empowering to think that we humans are meant to choose our futures and create better ones by stumbling around looking for happiness.

This particularly reassuring in our family car search. After setting the ground rules for finding a win-win solution for the whole family, we used a ranking system to help us analyze the best option. We listed all the features we wanted and gave each one a score from 1 – 5. Then we did the same with the different models of car and calculated the result. You can download this decision making tool and use it any time you need to select from different alternatives. When we were done we had a car we all could live with, but no one was particularly excited about.

Lucky for us, Dr. Gilbert found that we often overestimate the intensity of happiness or unhappiness that we expect for a particular event and the length of time an event will affect us. So, after making the best decision we could together, pretty soon we will be as happy as we were before the great car quest.

Stay open, keep looking for happiness and
,

Hold fast to happiness when you stumble upon it in a lucky hour.


Help someone else stumble on happiness. Pass along the Happy Life Tip of the Week!

Affirmation
I am open to finding happiness in unexpected places. When I find happiness, I appreciate it and hold on to it.

Journal or Meditation Question
What makes me happy now? What can I try or explore to find more happiness. What choices can I make to maintain or increase my happiness.

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