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Happy Life Tip of the Week, Issue #139- Overcome Ingratitude
November 23, 2011
Hello Friends,

Overcome ingratitude to unlock the door to love and joy.

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more.

Brother David Steindl-Rast




Hello Friends,

Dr. Robert Emmons, a noted positive psychology researcher, agrees with Brother David, cultivating an attitude of gratitude is the fastest way to increase your happiness. Whether you count your blessings, reach out to help others, or play a thanksgiving party game, time spent giving thanks opens up our capacity for love and joy. True, heartfelt gratitude releases oxytocin, sometimes called the bonding hormone, causing us to be drawn to others in a positive way. It also releases endorphins, the hormones associated with a runner’s high.

Studies have shown that spending just 5 minutes a day writing down things you are grateful for every day for a week, measurably increases happiness for more than a month.

Yet, gratitude does not come easily to many in our society. Some of the most common barriers include:

  1. The habit of looking at faults is stronger than the habit of seeing good.
  2. Gratitude is seen as an admission of dependency and we are taught not to show dependency, particularly men.
  3. Gratitude upsets the victim mentality many people adopt to avoid taking control of their own attitude or actions. Gratitude is a way of taking control by choosing to notice and amplify the good, not the bad.
  4. Gratitude might indicate a false hope or false positivity that will set us up for a fall.
  5. Gratitude is socially unacceptable- cool people are witty, sarcastic, and cutting. It’s hip to be hard and cold.
Overcoming these barriers takes a willingness to work on the change, time, and a willingness to challenge existing beliefs about what it takes to fit in and succeed in this world. These changes are easier if you can spend time in the company of grateful people.

Start with small, safe exercises in gratitude, like taking 5 minutes a day to record things you are grateful for. This is a private, individual exercise so there is no risk of embarrassment. Use some of the happiness tests to measure your overall level before starting the exercise and again a week or two later. Also, start to notice how your luck changes or your interaction with others during this time. I come back to this exercise every time I go through a rough patch in my life to help turn things around.

Another approach is to start a thanksgiving inventory . This is a running list of the things you find yourself appreciating over time. When we are sad or upset it is harder to think of things we are grateful for, but when we review the inventory, the feelings come rushing back.

If you are a grateful person and you actively practice gratitude with groups of people during Thanksgiving, good for you! Your example can help others who suffer because of their barriers to gratitude move into a brighter world. Just be aware that these barriers are very real for the people that experience them. Make sure you provide a safe environment (free from ridicule or betrayal of confidences) for those who find gratitude difficult. Keep supporting them and modeling a grateful approach. Over time, your example will make a difference. Just imagine what a wonderful world this could be if we all took time to count our blessings every day.

Overcome ingratitude to unlock the door to love and joy.



Have you gotten your Wisdom of Sunflowers Wall Calendar yet? These beautiful calendars are a great reminder to smile and count your blessings every day. They make great gifts and help support the spread of happiness and gratitude throughout the world.

Affirmation
I practice gratitude every day. I know that the more I practice, the easier it becomes to express thanks for the many wonderful things that happen to me every day.

Journal or Meditation Question
Do I find it difficult to express gratitude daily? If so, what is my primary barrier? Have I ever experienced a positive turnaround in a situation because I refocused my thoughts on the positive instead of the negative? How can I experiment with the positive impacts of gratitude in my life today to overcome some of the barriers I experience?

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