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Happy Life Tip of the Week, Issue #102-Ingratitude
March 02, 2011


Rise above ingratitude with gratitude for the chance to practice your happy life skills.

I hate ingratitude more in a man than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness, or any taint of vice whose strong corruption inhabits our frail blood.

William Shakespeare

We cannot learn real patience and tolerance from a guru or a friend. They can be practiced only when we come in contact with someone who creates unpleasant experiences. According to Shantideva, enemies are really good for us as we can learn a lot from them and build our inner strength.

Dalai Lama

Hello Friends,
Gratitude and giving to others are two surefire pathways to happiness. When people who actively practice both encounter ingratitude, particularly for their own gift of time, creativity, money, and other gifts that require sacrifice, it hurts deeply. It is not just a rejection of our gifts and our love, but a rejection of our value of appreciation as well.

Ingratitude can be a powerful barrier to our happiness in the moment and to our long term happiness if it turns us away from giving to others or if we take the rejection personally.

The Dali Lama suggests that we use these are learning opportunities to practice inner strength. After all, we cannot control the response of others, only our own response. The ability to rise above our external circumstances to feel a sense of well being is an important happy life skill. As Marci Shimoff puts it, we want to learn to be happy for no reason.

So how do we ease the hurt of ingratitude and go back to our own happiness? Here are three ways that have worked for me. I-

  1. Use the situation as a reminder to think of the things I have to be grateful for- including the opportunity to practice my own mental toughness and compassion. I am motivated to avoid showing the fault I wish to correct in the world.
  2. Think of the other person as a small child who has not yet learned how to handle the world. We naturally forgive small children and have more patience with them. I am motivated to be the change I want to see in the world.
  3. Look inward. Am I proud of myself for acting in a giving and loving way? Am I compassionate enough to give my gifts without need for recognition or gratitude? Do I have faith enough to believe that goodness is its own reward? If so, I can celebrate that success.

    4. For an inspiring tale of characters who rise above ingratitude and error, try The Tale of Despereaux, an animated fairy tale for grown ups too.

    Whatever method you choose,-

    Rise above ingratitude with gratitude for the chance to practice your happy life skills.



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    Affirmation
    I give without expectation of gratitude. When someone shows ingratitude or otherwise hurts my feelings, I practice rising above the situation to be happy anyway.

    Journal or Meditation Question
    When have I experienced ingratitude in the past? How did it make me feel? Hurt? Angry? Curious? How did I, or how could I, rise about my feelings to be happy anyway.

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