Control your thoughts, words, attitude and actions and accept what comes knowing you have done your best for a happy life.

I used to work with a man who had a sign in his office that said, In Complete Control. The sign always bothered me because I thought it should read Incomplete Conrol. I have advanced degrees in management and have long made my living by being good at getting things done, and yet, in my experience, we all have incomplete control over our lives and the actions of others.

My grandmother had a plaque in her kitchen with the Serenity Prayer I quoted today. As a child I spent hours wondering about how I would know the difference between the things I could change and the things I could not. As a youth, I would often review a failed situation by noting that I had guessed wrong on the wisdom to know the difference part. It was not until mid-life that I figured out that the only things I could control were my own thoughts, words, deeds, and attitudes. Even so, I still find this advice easier to say than do.

Steven Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, talks about our circle of control and our circle of influence. He agrees that the only thing in our circle of control is ourselves. He also observes that the better we are at controlling ourselves, the larger our circle of influence becomes. When we focus on controlling others and neglect to control ourselves, our circle of influence shrinks. This relationship holds true whether we are influencing cancer or a cantankerous boss, pain or a panicking toddler.

Here are a couple of thoughts on controlling your own thoughts and behaviors.

1. The famous mind-body integration doctor, Dr. Emmett Miller says that you can gain control of your thoughts and actions by taking a series of deep breaths to connect to your conscious mind in a given situation. Then take a moment to visualize what you want. When you do this, your mind and body work together to bring about the thoughts and behaviors that will cause you to act as you would choose.
2. The research team at Vital Smarts lay out six sources of influence you can use to your own advantage: your own motivation, you own ability, motivation from peer pressure, support from a peer group, environments that motivate you to do the right thing physically, and environments that empower you by making the right thing easier.

Control your thoughts, words, attitude and actions and accept what comes knowing you have done your best for a happy life.

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