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Happy Life Tip of the Week, Issue #148-Can’t Stand It
February 01, 2012
Hello Friends,

Consider the alternative, then use the phrase I can’t stand it as a trigger for positive action.

Let your intentions be good - embodied in good thoughts, cheerful words, and unselfish deeds - and the world will be to you a bright and happy place in which to work and play and serve.

Grenville Kleiser



This week I caught myself saying, “I can’t stand it!”. I believe that our words words shape our worlds, so I want to avoid this phrase. After all, what is the alternative? If I cannot control it and I cannot withstand it, then the alternative is to break down and die.

I want to live and to thrive, so I choose not to tell myself I can’t stand it.

Instead, I look for statements or slogans I can tell myself that show me how I can stand it and perhaps even find benefit. Five phrases I use are:
  1. I will get through this.
  2. I am a strong and powerful woman.
  3. In the ultimate scheme of things, this is not important.
  4. This too shall pass.
  5. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.


Another way I build my resilience is to use “I can’t stand it”, as a trigger phrase to ask myself these questions:
  • What do I want?
  • What is good or could be good about this situation?
  • What do I want to do in the end?
  • What do I want to do next?


Finally, I do a little internal health check. I can’t stand it is a cry for help. It means that I am not getting one of my basic needs met. Like pain, it is my body and soul telling me to change direction or take action away from something. We all have a basic human need to belong, for respect and appreciation, to feel important to someone or to a worthy cause. We need to give to the world by doing what we are best at in pursuit of a worthy goal to feel alive and happy.

There are lots of ways to meet these emotional and spiritual needs. We meet them through long term, committed relationships and projects such as family, friends, job, profession, hobby, clubs, churches, schools, teams, and hundreds of other ways. These relationships are very close and may even be part of our self image, so when they change suddenly and outside of our control, it rocks our world.

The loss of a spouse, a job, a skill, or a limb absolutely change the way we relate to the world. We are very aware of these big changes and get lots of advice to take action. Often we are not so aware of the small changes until we find ourselves saying I can’t stand it over trivial things. These are the moments of real power. The sooner we respond to the pain by adapting ourselves to fill the missing emotional need, the sooner the injury heals. The sooner we are back to spreading happiness and joy instead of grouchy bad feelings or unintentional meanness.

Whether you use coping phrases, reflective questions, or do a health check on filling your emotional needs,

Consider the alternative, then use the phrase I can’t stand it as a trigger for positive action.


Help someone else cope with negative self talk- pass along the Happy Life Tip of the Week!

Affirmation
I am aware of my words and the way they shape my thoughts and perceptions. When I catch myself using phrases like “I can’t stand it”, I step back and look for positive actions I can take.

Journal or Meditation Question
What phrases do I use carelessly that lead me to no-win situations? When I use these phrases, what action do I take? What other phrases could I use instead that might lead me to more positive action?

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