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Happy Life Tip of the Week, Issue #84-Allow-Influence
October 20, 2010
Hello

Allow others to influence you positively to make a difference in the world.

The real beginning of influence comes as others sense you are being influenced by them - when they feel understood by you - that you have listened deeply and sincerely, and that you are open.

Stephen R. Covey

This comes from the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and is part of the habit- Seek first to understand then be understood. At first, the idea of being open to influence seems at odds with wielding influence. If someone else can influence me, I might not be in complete control.

When I was a child, my Grandmother had a plaque with the Serenity Prayer on it.

Lord, grant me the courage to change the things I can change
The serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Many decades passed before I figured out that the only thing I could change was myself. Once I accepted that, I found that often changing me, my thoughts, attitudes, actions, and responses, often changed others. When I focus on what I can do, I have incomplete control and stronger influence.

I also learned that when I am open to others and willing to make some adjustments, I can usually find a way that benefits everyone. Instead of a win-lose situation where I must control and dominate, I find myself in a win-win situation with more benefit and less work. I do not need to control and dominate to get what I want when everyone is enriched by the deal.

I find that it takes some self-discipline to control the people and things I allow to influence me. For example, when someone is rude or inconsiderate, it is easy to allow myself to be influenced into annoyance. When someone does something nice for me, it sometimes takes effort to allow myself to be influenced into a state of gratitude and grace. Yet, when I focus on controlling myself and choosing my sources of influence, I find the world is a better and happier place.

As Anna Quindlen points out in her Short Guide to a Happy Life , allowing others to influence us positively and appreciating them for it is one of the keys to a happy life. As you open yourself up to others, listen for the happy words and:

Allow others to influence you positively to make a difference in the world.



Affirmation
I am open to the influence of others. I choose the sources of influence in my life so I can make a better difference in the world.

Journal or Meditation Question
Where have I found a win-win situation by listening to others and allowing myself to be influenced to adjust my course of action? Where could I benefit from that now?/i>

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